Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
