I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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