i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How does one acquire holy water?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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