Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
