And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
