woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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