Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize