what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
