i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if only i could text you this smell
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
