I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
