The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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