We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I did not marry a roomba.
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