she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
