why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
