My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
