can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
