yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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