drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
