No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
