Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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