I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
