do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The uberlube is also flammable
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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