You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
