I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize