This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
