i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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