How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
