i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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