Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
