What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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