but the lizard people decide everything anyway
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
