well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
