DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
