He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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