There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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