Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
