I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
