WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
