I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
