i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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