Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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