Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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