I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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