im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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