What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
