I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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