I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He better not be in your backpack
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
