Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize