I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My bed smells like the plague
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
