is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
