So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize