Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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