I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
