His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
