I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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