Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
