theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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