fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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