Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
