You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
