I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
