I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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