Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
