if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
