It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
