I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
