Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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