My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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