Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
