just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
