if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
