too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
