She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
