I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
