it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
