her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
