you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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