I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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