i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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