she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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