I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
